9hx4vpeif's Journal

It seemed to bring him nearer to Eva “Thank you,...
It seemed to bring him nearer to Eva
“Thank you, my boy,” said St“I like to hear you, Tom; but go, now, and leave me alone; some other time, I’ll talk more
Tom silently left the room
1 “This is the last of Earth! I am content,” last words of John Quincy Adams, uttered February 21, 1848
Chapter 28
Reunion
Week after week glided away in the StClare mansion, and the waves of life settled back to their usual flow, where that little bark had gone downFor how imperiously, how coolly, in disregard of all one’s feeling, does the hard, cold, uninteresting course of daily realities move on! Still must we eat, and drink, and sleep, and wake again,—still bargain, buy, sell, ask and answer questions,—pursue, in short, a thousand shadows, though all interest in them be over; the cold mechanical habit of living remaining, after all vital interest in it has fled
All the interests and hopes of StClare’s life had unconsciously wound themselves around this childIt was for Eva that he had managed his property; it was for Eva that he had planned the disposal of his time; and, to do this and that for Eva,—to buy, improve, alter, and arrange, or dispose something for her,—had been so long his habit, that now she was gone, there seemed nothing to be thought of, and nothing to be done
True, there was another life,—a life which, once believed in, stands as a solemn, significant figure before the otherwise unmeaning ciphers of time, changing them to orders of mysterious, untold valueClare knew this well; and often, in many a weary hour, he heard that slender, childish voice calling him to the skies, and saw that little hand pointing to him the way of life; but a heavy lethargy of sorrow lay on him,—he could not ariseHe had one of those natures which could better and more clearly conceive of religious things from its own perceptions and instincts, than many a matter-of-fact and practical ChristianThe gift to appreciate and the sense to feel the finer shades and relations of moral things, often seems an attribute of those whose whole life shows a careless disregard of themHence Moore, Byron, Goethe, often speak words more wisely descriptive of the true religious sentiment, than another man, whose whole life is governed by itIn such minds, disregard of religion is a more fearful treason,—a more deadly sinClare had never pretended to govern himself by any religious obligation; and a certain fineness of nature gave him such an instinctive view of the extent of the requirements of Christianity, that he shrank, by anticipation, from what he felt would be the exactions of his own conscience, if he once did resolve to assume themFor, so inconsistent is human nature, especially in the ideal, that not to undertake a thing at all seems better than to undertake and come shortClare was, in many respects, another manHe read his little Eva’s Bible seriously and honestly; he thought more soberly and practically of his relations to his servants,—enough to make him extremely dissatisfied with both his past and present course; and one thing he did, soon after his return to New Orleans, and that was to commence the legal steps necessary to Tom’s emancipation, which was to be perfected as soon as he could get through the necessary formalitiesMeantime, he attached himself to Tom more and more, every dayIn all the wide world, there was nothing that seemed to remind him so much of Eva; and he would insist on keeping him constantly about him, and, fastidious and unapproachable as he was with regard to his deeper feelings, he almost thought aloud to TomNor would any one have wondered at it, who had seen the expression of affection and devotion with which Tom continually followed his young master
“Well, Tom,” said StClare, the day after he had commenced the legal formalities for his enfranchisement, “I’m going to make a free man of you;—so have your trunk packed, and get ready to set out for Kentuck
The sudden light of joy that shone in Tom’s face as he raised his hands to heaven, his emphatic “Bless the Lord!” rather discomposed StClare; he did not like it that Tom should be so ready to leave him
“You haven’t had such very bad times here, that you need be in such a rapture, Tom,” he said drily
“No, no, Mas’r! ’tan’t that,—it’s bein’ a freeman! that’s what I’m joyin’ for
“Why, Tom, don’t you think, for your own part, you’ve been better off than to be free?”
“No, indeed, Mas’r StClare,” said Tom, with a flash of energy“No, indeed!”
“Why, Tom, you couldn’t possibly have earned, by your work, such clothes and such living as I have given you
“Knows all that, Mas’r StClare; Mas’r’s been too good; but, Mas’r, I’d rather have poor clothes, poor house, poor everything, and have ’em mine, than have the best, and have ’em any man’s else,—I had so, Mas’r; I think it’s natur, Mas’r
“I suppose so, Tom, and you’ll be going off and leaving me, in a month or so,” he added, rather discontentedly“Though why you shouldn’t, no mortal knows,” he said, in a gayer tone; and, getting up, he began to walk the floor
“Not while Mas’r is in trouble,” said Tom“I’ll stay with Mas’r as long as he wants me,—so as I can be any use
“Not while I’m in trouble, Tom?” said shop St